Down and Dirty: Bathroom Talk

What's the first thing you do when you go in a bathroom stall? Well it should be to check if there's enough toilet paper. Simply to avoid embarrassment and complications. And especially to avoid the entire "Can you spare one square?" conversation. Of course before all that, you have carefully choose which bathroom stall. I have a selection order: The handicap one is off limits (Unless it's an emergency) so on to the next one, a stall with surrounding stalls empty, a stall against a wall with an occupied stall next to it, and then the last resort, the unfortunate toilet surrounded by two occupied stalls.

After checking if there is sufficient toilet paper for your needs comes another decision, what to do with the seat. Do you simple clean the seat with paper and flush it before use? Maybe you neatly put toilet on the seat to avoid direct contact with the toilet. Or are you one of those people who uses miles and miles of toilet to messily cover every inch of the toilet? It's always interesting what other people do. I'm usually the cleaner, but can be the neat placer in some situations. Just listen to your heart.

Automatic toilets can be the best or the worst! For me, I have never had an automatic toilet flush on me before I finished my duty. So I, personally, think they're awesome! But I heard on multiple occasions of the cursed pre-mature flush. I can only imagine the horror! But sometimes automatic toilets don't flush and this is where the truly horrifying experiences occur; the poor unsuspecting next user... For me automatic toilets can be as bad as automatic sinks. I like to wash my hands with really hot water so automatic sinks always let me down. I know, I live the hard knock life.

The sounds of bathrooms can be quite humorous too. I don't think I have to explain the sounds of the natural body. But it always makes me smile a little more when I hear sounds of relief, especially at the urinal. I am known to do that on occasion, especially on long pisses. If you haven't tried, I highly recommend it; it feels much more satisfying then when you just "breathe in breathe out".

Now onto a more serious matter. Why is number one called number one and number two called number two? Some say it's number one because we do the number one much more often than the number two. But here is my explanation: When you need to go number 2, you usually go number 1 before (If not at the same time). At least this is what I have experience my entire life. Maybe I've been doing it wrong all these years! But I think my logic is pretty safe though. So, the next time you go number two-ing, just remember why it's number two.