Parent Love

Growing up I wasn't interested in the concept of love. This continued into college and possibly beyond. As such, I didn't really think about my parents' relationship with each other. Unlike romantic behavior depicted in American culture, I've never seen my parents display their affection for each other. This includes hugging, verbal expression (e.g. I love you), and I think I've only seen my father kiss my mother on the cheek once in my life. I don't think it was the lack of being observant; it was just not something my family does. We don't express affection with physical touch nor words of affirmation. (Languages of Affection)

With this and American culture, I've been conflicted on what I want from my own relationships. But this is a much longer story for another time.

I've been away from home for almost a decade and have had the fortunate opportunity to spend time with my parents. Not much has changed. I have noticed that my father has called my mother "honey" more than before, but that's as much public display of affection I have seen.

What I have observed in the past few weeks is just how much my father does for my mother. One of my mother's passions is gardening, particularly food that we can eat including bitter melon, winter melon, string beans, and Asian pears. Thinking that squirrels have been ravaging on the pears, my mother wanted a device that supposedly scared them away with noise (which she heard from another person).

So one day, my father asks if I want to go get a fan for the dining room. I thought it was just going to be a quick trip to Lowe's and install the fan, so I go.

We arrive and my father "randomly" drops that my mother wants that device that supposedly repelled squirrels. That is all the information that he tells me up to that point. So we're on a hunt for this device. I ask customer service and they are completely befuddled. Then, my father drops other details he got from my mother; this device has a light, is solar and battery powered, has some sort of speaker, is dug into the ground, and costs about $10. Knowing consumer electronics, I knew some of the details had to be wrong. Not finding anything that resembles this device, we return home.

Since we arrive home, my dad tells me he's going to go take a picture of it. In the meanwhile, this becomes a game to me. I'm thinking it has to be something like this:

This device supposedly repelled animals with ultrasonic sounds. You can see it is solar powered and put in the ground, but it costs $40 and doesn't have a light.

My father comes back with a photo that's potato quality because it was digitally zoomed in. In this photo was a black stick with a yellow top. It had no light or visible speaker. Knowing my mother, my father and I both knew that we needed to get the same product or she would blame us for the device not working.

So I search devices that repel squirrels, no such luck. Then, I expand my search to ultrasonic garden devices. Going through the image search, I find it!

Remember the details given to me by my father who got his information from my mother? The device repelled squirrels, has a light, is solar and battery powered, has some sort of speaker, is dug into the ground, and costs about $10.

This device repels moles/gophers (not squirrels), does not have a light, is solar powered, does not have a visible speaker, is dug into the ground, and costs about $20.

Even though I tell my father that it does not repel squirrels, he wants to please my mother in having it since she heard it works from someone else. The closest store that has it in stock is 20 minutes away and for a Rhode Islander, that's a long distance. He convinces me we need to get it for my mother. We purchase two of them at the store far far away.

The next day, my mother realizes it's birds that are eating the pears. I do a head slap.

My mother tells my father to return the mole spikes (one was still in the box, the other was installed in the garden). Then, my father goes with my mother to buy a net for the pear trees to prevent the birds from destroying the Asian pears.

This entire process made me ponder just how much love my father has for my mother. To this day, I don't think my mother has ever put gasoline in a car because my father does it for her. There are also other countless things my father does to accommodate my mother's fears and vulnerabilities (including a driveway and security alarm).

On the opposite side, my mother shows her love in her own way. This would include waking up early so my father (and I) have breakfast when we wake up and cleaning up the house (though, she is a hoarder). These would be more in line with traditional Chinese culture, I presume.

My father is an individual that cannot live without coffee; so when the k-cup supply is low, my mother tells me to order more on Amazon. She pesters me until they actually arrive too, even though I told her I ordered them already. How much more love can you express indirectly than that?!