Schadenfreude
Exploring Schadenfreude in my life
Schadenfreude: Pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune.
Growing up, I always felt Schadenfreude and thought it was something I was supposed to enjoy. In sports, the opposing team's fans cheer when the other team's athletes get hurt. In Mario Party, when someone loses all their stars to another people in a random event, it's hilarious and possibly gave me a better chance to win.
Schadenfreude is commonly used for laughs on television and in movies. A memorable example from my childhood was Simpson’s Nelson Muntz’ “HA HA”; he would laugh at other people’s misfortune, and it became a running joke. But I have to credit the show’s writers, they do explore Nelson’s Schadenfreude during multiple episodes (including “punishing” him by having the entire town “Ha Ha” him while he’s walking with his pants down).
I started not to enjoy Schadenfreude when I took the time to empathize with the other person(s). We all go through trials and misfortunes of life, admittedly they can vary drastically. Maybe it requires humans to go through misfortune and embarrassment to truly empathize with others.
I would consider Dr. Viv (my wife, I don’t actually call her Dr. Viv in real life) a super empath, and I’ve noticed times when I’m laughing at a Schadenfreudian moment during a TV show or movie, and she’s not. Though I think the writers often mean it to be funny, I frequently pause to understand why Dr. Viv isn’t laughing and reflect on why I intuitively did.
Understanding that life isn’t a zero-sum game helps me not feel Schadenfreude as often. A person’s happiness doesn’t depend on another person’s misfortune. In my experience, it is often that happiness brings more happiness.
Are there times when Schadenfreude is “acceptable”? These cases may be where karma is involved, and the misfortune is potentially a consequence of negative actions. “potentially a consequence of negative actions” is key as karma isn’t always a direct relationship. For example, is it acceptable to feel Schadenfreude when someone else robs a store and then gets cancer?
Overall, I try to remember that life isn’t a zero-sum game and that we should create as much good and happiness as possible. It’s easier and more satisfying to focus on the wins in life than taking pleasure in other’s misfortunes.
(For better or worse) I’ve learned to give people some leeway and assume they are having a terrible day when people behave irrationally. This helps prevent the desire for Schadenfreude.
Aside: There is a feeling similar to Schadenfreude but not quite the same: Not wanting something good to happen to others. I’m not sure if there is a term for this.
I've asked people if they would want an acquaintance or a complete stranger to win the lottery; the majority of people said, complete stranger. It really shouldn't matter who wins, but I find it interesting that some people don't like when people they know achieve fortune.
In a way, you can measure one’s character by how one reacts to others' misfortunes and fortunes.
Reflecting on how I’ve changed since graduating high school, empathy, particularly with Schadenfreude, has been the biggest change in my life. This helped me become a better PM, a better photographer, a better friend, a better son, a better brother, and a better human.